The Twelve Days of Christmas for Climbers

On the first day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

A Golden Retriever puppy

On the second day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the third day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the fourth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a pair of Five Ten Dragons

On the fifth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the sixth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Six number sevens

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the seventh day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Seven mondo crash pads

Six number sevens

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the eighth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Eight angle pitons

Seven mondo crash pads

Six number sevens

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the ninth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Nine locking biners

Eight angle pitons

Seven mondo crash pads

Six number sevens

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the tenth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Ten packs of quickdraws

Nine locking biners

Eight angle pitons

Seven mondo crash pads

Six number sevens

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the eleventh day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Eleven bamboo brushes

Ten packs of quickdraws

Nine locking biners

Eight angle pitons

Seven mondo crash pads

Six number sevens

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

On the twelfth day of Christmas

my true love sent to me:

Twelve dynamic ropes

Eleven bamboo brushes

Ten packs of quickdraws

Nine locking biners

Eight angle pitons

Seven mondo crash pads

Six number sevens

Five pounds of chalk

Four ATCs

Three rope bags

Two portaledges

And a Golden Retriever puppy

Merry Christmas and Happy Climbing!

Fall Season Recap

It’s officially winter according to the calendar (and has been since before Thanksgiving according to how many layers I’ve been wearing), so I figured I’d give a fall season recap before kicking off the winter season with a two week trip down south.

First off, there are some notable sends by people that are not me and therefore impressive (not an exhaustive list):

• Alec sent Universal Socket (V6 pway). 
• Matt, Brandon, and Big Andy caught the send train on Sarlacc (5.12c Shell Pond) to close out their sport season.
• Tommy sent Romper Room (5.12a Sundown).
• Big Andy took the send Mothra Steward (V8 pway); see the full “Battle of Big Daddy” here. 
• Tommy and Brandon crushed Leave it to Beaver (V8 pway), Tommy with an icy top out.
• Tristan ended the season on a high note by sending Headz Ain’t Ready (V9 pway) and flashing Boulder Natural classic Hobbit Hole (V3) and Mouth Full of Chalk (V6) on December 20^th.

So how was my season? Well…I toproped a lot of awesome routes. I “sprained” my ankle the last weekend in September, so all my true sends were before that, making them technically in the summer according to the calendar but fall according to the academic calendar. To make my season sound more impressive, I’m counting them for the fall, so we’ll say I sent an 11b (no idea what it’s called) at Shell Pond and the sit start to the Crimp Problem (V5- pway), not overly impressive compared to the sends above but some good lines.

Overall it was a great fall season, full of lots of driving to different Crags in New Hampshire and Maine and a little climbing at them (often due to getting lost, sleeping in too late, or underestimating the vastness of Maine). The wonders of Sandwich Crag were explored, a leaver biner was well lost to Great White (5.13a) at Waimea, and I unknowingly climbed on a broken ankle for two months without missing a weekend until I learned it was broken after Thanksgiving (hence all the toproping to not take big falls on what I was originally told was a  “category one sprained ankle”). I am 237% glad that the clinic didn’t see the break initially; otherwise, I wouldn’t have been able to run (toprope) laps on Eyeless in Gaza (12b mega classic), lead a few trad pitches (okay, I was bad a deviated from toprope a bit), or climb in Conway on my birthday during peak leaf season.

All in all, it was a great season with the guys sending and then letting me clean their draws off of awesome (hard for me) sport climbs; and I still made some pway Friday trips to work on lowballs and spot. Many thanks to everyone who put up with my ankle complaints and never hanging any draws, and even more thanks to Tommy for picking me up to climb every weekend to climb, rain, shine, or snow with icicles crashing around us. 

Climbing Tips for Boys (About Climbing Girls)

Lets clear up one myth upfront: Girls are not that complicated.  Climbing girls are even less complicated. We have one-track minds to, you guessed it, climbing.

So now that you know what climbing girls think about, you no longer have to be confused by our intentions when we ask if you’re going climbing, invite you to climb with us, or talk about sick trips we should go on in the future. No this does not mean we are taken by your six pack abs or ability to crank one finger pull-ups.  We simply are looking for a climbing partner to belay us, spot us, take turns leading pitches with us, and hopefully chat a bit about life and climbing in between. What we are not looking for: a date.

Now that we’ve determined that climbing does not equal a date, you can relax, because your climbing, shirtlessness, and pick-up lines are going to be what impresses us.

So I’m going to be psyched when you send your 5.12 project and bummed with you when you don’t, but whether or not you send isn’t going to influence if I want to date you. Chances are, your send is not the most rad I’ve see even that week; Sasha DiGiulian is 5”2” and sending 5.14, so please don’t try to impress me with your climbing. It will just make you nervous, frustrated, and possibly come off as cocky. I’m not climbing with you because you’re the best—you wouldn’t be belaying me if you were—so don’t think you have to onsight everything.

As far as taking your shirt off goes, please consult the weather on that one. If the route is baking in the ninety-degree sun, by all means ditch that sweaty layer. However, if it’s thirty degrees and you have to leave your beanie on, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT. Also, don’t get overly excited if it’s ninety and I take my shirt off; I’m just as hot and sweaty as you.

As for making moves on me at the crag: don’t. I will either: a) be really confused because I didn’t see that mid-big-wall kiss coming; I thought we were just climbing buddies and/or b) now be really uncomfortable cause I have to spend the rest of the day pretending you didn’t just try to pull me in by my harness. Worse yet, I might also be upset and embarrassed if anyone else saw and thought that I was into climbing PDA.

Now what do you do if you like a girl you climb with? First, don’t overthink her wanting to climb with you (see above). Next, impress her with something other than climbing; try something radical like being nice. Don’t treat her differently at the crag; chances are she wants to be though of as “one of the guys” and not be singled out for often-times being the only girl. Instead, try being friendly and a good climbing partner at the crag, and if she seems comfortable around you ask her to go for drinks after climbing or for coffee on a rest day. Keep all romantic intentions separate for your climbing sessions, and know that even if you do date that doesn’t mean that climbing now can be a date. It’s a fun thing both of you enjoy doing, and you’ll see new sides of each other as you battle hard routes, but that doesn’t mean she is looking for a good luck kiss before every climb. She still has that one-track mind to rocks and will likely forget about everything while on the rock, including that you’re dating. 

Why Coffee, Tape, and Ibuprofen?

You may have been wondering why I named this blog “Coffee Tape Ibuprofen Climb.” The last word is self-explanatory, but the others may appear a bit random. They are not. They are the added ingredients that allow one to climb longer, harder, and for many days in a row.

The idea was originally born out of a weeklong climbing trip to Maine that started off with a multi-pitch day on Cannon (not in Maine). That first day Tommy summed up what he wanted out of the trip in four words: Donuts; swimming; ice cream; beer.  All this was in addition to climbing every day of course, but it set the tone and much of the calorie intake for the rest of the trip. It also got us thinking in four word combinations. What other three words fit with “climb” for me?

We rarely climb when we’re feeling good. We’re often tired from camping or getting up early to beat the crowds or from projecting late into the night after work. We are sore from previous days’ workouts and sleeping on the ground. Our tendons aren’t always happy, our fingers lose their skin, and our bodies become battered from taking big whippers. Sometimes we need that little something extra to get us through the day, to keep us psyched, awake, and climbing. For me, those things are coffee, tape, and ibuprofen.  

Coffee is a must. I’ve climbed for a full day after getting two hours of sleep in the back of a car then got little sleep the next night and still projected and sent my hardest sport route to date. Thank you coffee. After getting less than ten hours of sleep in 48 hours and hiking the Presi Traverse—24 miles over the tallest peaks in New Hampshire—coffee got me psyched to climb. I struggled to hike the approach, but I still gave my 11c project a few burns—granted the worse burns I’ve ever put into that route—but I still tried it. So no matter how little sleep or sore I am, I tell myself I can still climb, because I did it then; so why not now? The coffee is mostly for the placebo effect, but caffeine is also quite effective at preventing naps at the crag.

Tape is my best friend. I somehow have never manage to built up callouses on my fingertips. This is probably due to my never letting the skin quite heal between climbing sessions on sharp New Hampshire granite. I the guys I climb with begin to complain that their fingertips “are gone” when they start to get a little pink. For me, pink is great; that means I still have at least one layer of skin left. I say my fingertips are gone when blood begins to leak out of them; unfortunately this usually happens at the same time that the guys’ fingers are barely pink. This is where tape comes in. Sometimes you’re on a weeklong trip and your skin is gone by day two (or in my case the day before you leave for the trip). There is no way you are going to not climb for the rest of the trip just cause grabbing the rock causes great pain and bleeding, so you mummify your fingers in tape, sweat the tape off on the first half of the climb, throw it off your fingers, try to climb without tape, immediately tape back up cause due to pain, finish the route, and repeat. It makes for lots more climbing, lots more fun, and buying medical tape in bulk. I hear hockey tape works quite well too.

Now for ibuprofen: it’s a miracle drug. Tendons hurting, but you need to send? Take ibuprofen. Incredibly sore from hiking the day before and need to send? Take ibuprofen.  Possibly break your hand falling and need to send? You guessed it: ibuprofen. Doctors have told me to take it for the “anti-inflammatory” benefits, which supposedly speed healing. Thus, maybe we should be taking ibuprofen with our recovery chocolate milk to prevent soreness next day. (Not that I do not promote excess pill popping and climbing through serious injuries despite my history of doing the latter.)

We do what we have to to climb, whether it’s living off of half-eaten slices of pizza in Yosemite or getting that caffeine kick before the first pitch. If it helps you climb without causing more bodily harm than good in the process, I’d say go for it. More climbing = more better.