Tuesday, December 9, 2014

Climbing Tips for Boys (About Climbing Girls)

Lets clear up one myth upfront: Girls are not that complicated.  Climbing girls are even less complicated. We have one-track minds to, you guessed it, climbing.

So now that you know what climbing girls think about, you no longer have to be confused by our intentions when we ask if you’re going climbing, invite you to climb with us, or talk about sick trips we should go on in the future. No this does not mean we are taken by your six pack abs or ability to crank one finger pull-ups.  We simply are looking for a climbing partner to belay us, spot us, take turns leading pitches with us, and hopefully chat a bit about life and climbing in between. What we are not looking for: a date.

Now that we’ve determined that climbing does not equal a date, you can relax, because your climbing, shirtlessness, and pick-up lines are going to be what impresses us.

So I’m going to be psyched when you send your 5.12 project and bummed with you when you don’t, but whether or not you send isn’t going to influence if I want to date you. Chances are, your send is not the most rad I’ve see even that week; Sasha DiGiulian is 5”2” and sending 5.14, so please don’t try to impress me with your climbing. It will just make you nervous, frustrated, and possibly come off as cocky. I’m not climbing with you because you’re the best—you wouldn’t be belaying me if you were—so don’t think you have to onsight everything.

As far as taking your shirt off goes, please consult the weather on that one. If the route is baking in the ninety-degree sun, by all means ditch that sweaty layer. However, if it’s thirty degrees and you have to leave your beanie on, ABSOLUTELY DO NOT. Also, don’t get overly excited if it’s ninety and I take my shirt off; I’m just as hot and sweaty as you.

As for making moves on me at the crag: don’t. I will either: a) be really confused because I didn’t see that mid-big-wall kiss coming; I thought we were just climbing buddies and/or b) now be really uncomfortable cause I have to spend the rest of the day pretending you didn’t just try to pull me in by my harness. Worse yet, I might also be upset and embarrassed if anyone else saw and thought that I was into climbing PDA.

Now what do you do if you like a girl you climb with? First, don’t overthink her wanting to climb with you (see above). Next, impress her with something other than climbing; try something radical like being nice. Don’t treat her differently at the crag; chances are she wants to be though of as “one of the guys” and not be singled out for often-times being the only girl. Instead, try being friendly and a good climbing partner at the crag, and if she seems comfortable around you ask her to go for drinks after climbing or for coffee on a rest day. Keep all romantic intentions separate for your climbing sessions, and know that even if you do date that doesn’t mean that climbing now can be a date. It’s a fun thing both of you enjoy doing, and you’ll see new sides of each other as you battle hard routes, but that doesn’t mean she is looking for a good luck kiss before every climb. She still has that one-track mind to rocks and will likely forget about everything while on the rock, including that you’re dating. 

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